It’s a pleasant sunny Sunday afternoon and the families are out on the freeways, some going shopping, visiting friends, others are on their way to spend some peaceful time at the beach. Drivers are being careful by correctly signalling their intentions, checking their blind spots before changing lanes, slowing down to let other drivers in. Children are playing in the backseat, their parents are singing along to their favourite tunes on the radio. All is well.
Until….
The bogan enters the flow of traffic, turns the stereo up so that everyone can hear its fully sick sub playing the latest mad dance track, swerving erratically across three lanes. Armed with a racist bumper sticker, high visibility vest and a ciggy and fuelled with a large can of Monster Energy and a sausage roll from a local servo, the bogan puts its foot down on the gas pedal and veers into a tiny gap between the two cars travelling innocently beside him. The purpose of this circus is usually the statistically negligible possibility of arriving one and half minutes earlier that it would have otherwise, just in time to watch a game of footy either on its large plasma TV or down the pub with the rest of the ‘boyz’.
I have lost count of how many times I have found myself being either annoyed at the arrogance of some drivers or plain scared for my life when getting literally pushed off the road by morons. My car especially ‘enjoyed’ getting hit from behind by a fully sick ute driven by a morbidly drunk young bogan on a footy Grand Final day last year. After having a good, long chat with the police straight after the accident (the guy left the scene before police got there), all I got was “sorry, there’s not much we can do. These idiots are everywhere”. At first I was disappointed, but soon after, the disappointment turned into anger. And that’s when I made the promise to myself that next time a bogan decides to play a maxtreme stunt driver, using my car as a prop, a pair of bogan testicle earrings will be added to my jewellery collection.
Emotions aside, the fact remains - when the bogan is behind the wheel, its main priority is the endangerment not only of itself, but also every other road user in the vicinity. Apart from seeing any road as its own elaborate race track, designed exclusively for its life-threatening manoeuvres, the bogan, as I have mentioned before, also gets an incredible rush from saving those precious 90 seconds on a journey. While the bogan generally doesn’t engage in many critically important activities and tends to render missed deadlines irrelevant, when on the road it is always in an urgent hurry. Stop signs are usually ignored and when it is unable to run the red light due to a line of perpendicular traffic, it will quickly assess the car next to it for a potential drag race when the light goes green.
A bogan is entitled to break as many road rules as it wishes, but usually criticises the actions of other road users, even when the actions involve driving safely and correctly. If someone merges into a lane in front of a bogan, the results will depend on a number of factors, such as the presence of personalised number plates, how badly it wants to go to the local shopping centre and degree to which the offending motorist is perceived to be Asian. If the bogan feels only slightly provoked, it will usually either engage its horn, or scream from inside the car and make obscene gestures. Unfortunately, the bogan is only ever seconds away from an episode of road rage. If anger levels become too high, the maxtremely tough road warrior will emerge from its 1.2 tonnes of steel and glass castle in a blind fury. It will then proceed to lure the other driver out of their car with its elaborate tribal roadside dance, which usually involves kicking door panels and spitting. It will then return to its car and speed off into the distance (the next set of traffic lights 200 metres up the road). When booked for road ranging, speeding or going around roundabouts on two wheels, the bogan will get vocal and madly furious about such complex political issues as “the nanny state” and “revenue raising”, giving, in its opinion, a fairly plausible justification “I pay me fuckin’ rego!”. Further justifications will include something on the lines of…
“I was drivin’ me fuckin’ new yellow V8 yoot along the freeway the other day, and there was this prick in a little fuckin’ small car drivin’ along my lane doin’ only the fuckin’ speed limit! Not even five k’s over, like what you’re supposed to do in the right hand lane. It should have got over into the small car lane where all the other small cars and Camrys and shit were doin’ less than the limit. The right lane’s for us people that have proper fuckin’ yoots and V8s and shit so we can overtake them shit cars. Not for them nancy girly cars what come from fuckin’ Yoorop or fuckin’ Japan. If yer car’s not a proper fuckin’ Aussie Chev-ro-lett, then you should just fuck off back to whatever fuckin’ country your carnty little car comes from.
So anyway, this carnt was drivin’ along in the right hand lane, only doing the limit, and not a proper bit over like what you’re supposed to do in the right lane. So I thought I’d give him a bit of a hint about how much of a carnt that deserved a glassin’ he was, so I got right up close behind him where I could proper dazzle him when I flashed the yoots lights at him, and where that carnt could see the finger sign I flipped at him all proper. And you know what? The fuckin’ carnt slowed down! I mean, he eventually got outta my way when the cars in the other lane went past, but shit, he coulda sped up and gone in front of the other cars, rather than slowed me down. Fuckin’ carnt.
Anyway, I the little carnt got outta my way, so I proper opened the yoot up to make up the lost time. And you know what fuckin’ happened? There was a fuckin speed camera out there. Fuckin’ got flashed. I wanted to get out and give the bastard with the camera a good fuckin’ glassin’ for bein’ a revenue raisin’ carnt. Now, I reckon’ I was only doin’ about 15 over the limit, so it’s just blatant fuckin’ revenue raisin’ – and the bloody camera wasn’t in a location they’d mentioned on the seven noos last night, so I reckon I shouldn’t havta pay the revenue raisin’ carnts. Did I say how them fuckin’ revenue raisin’ carnts are bloody un-Orstrayan in what they rip money off rool Aussie battlers?”
Monday 25 July 2011
Monday 11 July 2011
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth? Sheldon (intrigued): You have a sarcasm sign?
Fr*** Fe*** June 17 at 9:19pm Report
wow, thats a pretty russian girl. how are u Alex, sorry for jumping on ur page like that.
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 12:35am
Hi Fr***, yes, I must admit I felt a little violated because you invaded my personal cyber space. Plus you called me Alex, which is neither my first name nor my last name...not even my middle name. Not a good start to a conversation.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:41pm Report
wow, sorry bout that Alexandra, i tot u will take Alex for short, my bad.Well how much will that cost me? a shot? or a long formal apology? and forinvading ur cyber space, i think i already said sorry coz i konw its wrong, but how will inot appreciate something i just saw, huh?
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:41pm Report
If my apology is accepted, may i please ask how was your week?
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:42pm Report
much care and respect as u can see,Fr***
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 2:19pm
And yet you still got it wrong, Fr***. First name comes first right? So please make appropriate conclusions.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 2:55pm Report
Alina,haha, dammmm, u whooping ma back on this, all good, Alina Alexandra, can I just use one name then ? say Alina?
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 2:58pm
Well, I don't know, can I just call you Fe*** instead??
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 2:59pm Report
well, i just assumed that you ll prefer to be called Alexandra, coz to me its a strong nice meaningful name, well i guess i was a bit selfish. yeah sure u can call me Fe***, as a matter of fact , i will prefer Fe*** coz Fr*** sounds so soft,
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 3:03pm Report
or u can call me Dayce, Blurdee, anything that can make us start a friendly conversation. lol. but yeah, Real name Fr*** Fe*** (added childhood name),
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 4:14pm
What makes you think we are not having a friendly conversation? Ok, I shall call you Porkie.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 4:43pm Report
haha, I mean friendly in a way that i should not be getting tiny stings on ma face for saying some u dont buy, haha,or i have to read tro my msg about four times,dot all the Ice(Is) and make sure Alina is not violated in anyway, lol, and before I accept that Porkie name, u have to ask me first, sure i will hmmm, naaa, thats no good name lol.nwy? How is ur week? i guess u must be doing really well out here.
Fr*** Fe*** June 19 at 6:50pm Report
hey hey hey Alina,this gorgeous girl.Hhow was ur weekend?
Alina Alexandra June 19 at 11:56pm
It was great, Porkie. I had great fun catching butterflies, shaving my cat and stalking random people on Facebook. Do you enjoy stalking random people on Facebook too?
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 12:14am Report
Haha. Well sometimes u have to enjoy what you do right?. Tho it might not be the things u like doing especially if u don't get them. So did u get any?lol. And by the way u shud be in bed now. Lol. Is night time best time for stalking? Lol.u teaser. Haha. Enjoy ur msg tho. Well I guess ur cat have to go tro this winter with no fur on him.(her) or u training her to resustrge cold if u ever take her to Moscow. Lol. Hugs .
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 12:18am Report
Sorry. Replace the Chinese word with resist. See, I have to reread my msg so I know what am expecting from you. Can I just call you Stalkie?lol. Coz u just calked me Porkie without even asking my mama. Haha. She whoop ur ass if she hear that. Lol.
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 12:53pm
Sorry it took so long to reply. I was training my cat to resist the cold weather so I placed him in the fridge for half an hour.
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:48pm Report
nah thats find hun, I was actually waiting for a reply last night, atleast something to keep me busy coz I was bored as hell plus just like reading from a funny nice random diva.watching movie all night wit the shitty perth weather. Aawwww, poor lil cat, what ya doing to him Alina?animal rights pleassssssse... lol. Well I dont really know who u are but I can tell u a funny interesting person and I guess that friend request i sent will take ages, as long as I m not dead, I ll always wait for it, haha,
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:49pm Report
how is ur day? i m working bored at work now as hell. Mondays as usual and long hrs, hehe. Glad reading from you okay? hugs
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:49pm Report
Oops, Porkie, hahaha
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 6:24pm
I love my cat.
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 6:47pm Report
If u didn't love him u won't have had him right? What type of cat we talking bout?
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 10:05pm
The one with 4 paws, 2 ears and a tail.
Fr*** Fe*** June 21 at 7:51pm Report
so what is this diva Alina doing out here in Perth?
Alina Alexandra June 21 at 9:47pm
Studying rocket science, knitting, and pet grooming.
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 6:39pm Report
cool. what are u aspiring for? or u just wonna be some female Neil Amstrong? are u a clever girl?
Alina Alexandra June 22 at 9:14pm
Clever? I think genius is a more appropriate word
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 9:45pm Report
OK.
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 9:48pm Report
What ever you give urself I take it but I think you are more of a clever girl,even just being Einstein's driver,lol.thats why I cancelled the friend request, hehe
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 2:17pm Report
so how is this genuis doing this wek end? loving the weather right? good for studying. sup?
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 4:06pm
Do you enjoy shaving animals?
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 4:15pm Report
well if the animal is cute like a baby Leopard, I might, but im allergic to fur.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 4:15pm Report
why u asking that?
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 5:18pm
You sound like a person who would be into shaving pets.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 5:29pm Report
haha. set it on fire for bout halh an hr makes ma job easy. haha. how is ur studies? where u studying actually?
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 5:51pm Report
joks, well if the pet is as cute as Alina, why wont i enjoy shaving it,
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 6:08pm
I am studying rocket science and the Rocket Science University...externally.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 6:36pm Report
Some kind of distance edu or what? where the Rocket science Uni at? hope am not bugging u wit questions okay? its just trying to make a conversation but just interested in things u say, funny and seems like it doesnt make sense but it actually creates some nice smiley way of conversiong, haha
Fr*** Fe*** June 27 at 5:27pm Report
how was the other week end?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 8:09am
I had a great weekend. I've finally managed to solve the following equation:
f(p,q)e^nq - e^nq f(p,q) = e^nq ∑ (cn^3/fj^4) -(a cos ns/L = b sin ns/L - 2sin1/2)
Where c = total number of hairs left on my cat's body after shaving.
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 10:32am Report
So there's no hair left on him right?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 11:19am
Yes, the result I obtained was c = 0, which was statistically significant.
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 11:38am Report
Yeh even a factory worker like me csntell that the left side of ur equation is zero soooo all ur complicated right side sin and coz didn't matter. Haha. Wow. Atleast I can still recognize some few things in advanced maths. Lol. U use maths to communicate right? Can I try u some?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 12:01pm
Yes, I usually communicate using quantum mechanics jargon, especially if {viA} is an orthonormal basis for HA and {ujB} is an orthonormal basis for HB, in which case the set of pairs (viA, ujB) is taken to form an orthonormal basis for the tensor product space H(A)* H(B). The notation viA⊗ujB is used for the pair (viA,uj B), and inner product on HA⊗HB is defined as:
viA x umB | vjA x unB> =
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 6:19pm Report
haha, Alina, wqell i give up now, cant even think of thinking bout Hilbert,Vector spaces n tensor products now okay?all these your quantum microscopic world and its controversies, haha, all i know is that 1+1 =2 if all the ones had the same direction(vectors), and 2 is better than 1, u know what I mean? u one crazy girl. and yeh I like u more, haha, soo apart of these jargons, how is everything, how bout you n family, how do u get along out here?out going girl or some like that?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 10:49pm
No, I am not an outgoing type of girl unfortunately. I prefer to sit at home and solve physics equations and eat tonnes of ice cream. Although lately I have been really good and have managed to lose 5kg, so I am back to my usual weight of 94.6kg. Yes, it is still not my ideal weight (which is 91.5kg), but I don't mind because I never get cold in winter. I stay indoors most of the time because sunlight gives me pimples. You are probably wondering why I have a photo of a hot chick as my profile pic? Well, it makes me feel good that I once used to look attractive, even in my early 30s, before I enrolled in a rocket science course.
wow, thats a pretty russian girl. how are u Alex, sorry for jumping on ur page like that.
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 12:35am
Hi Fr***, yes, I must admit I felt a little violated because you invaded my personal cyber space. Plus you called me Alex, which is neither my first name nor my last name...not even my middle name. Not a good start to a conversation.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:41pm Report
wow, sorry bout that Alexandra, i tot u will take Alex for short, my bad.Well how much will that cost me? a shot? or a long formal apology? and forinvading ur cyber space, i think i already said sorry coz i konw its wrong, but how will inot appreciate something i just saw, huh?
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:41pm Report
If my apology is accepted, may i please ask how was your week?
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 1:42pm Report
much care and respect as u can see,Fr***
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 2:19pm
And yet you still got it wrong, Fr***. First name comes first right? So please make appropriate conclusions.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 2:55pm Report
Alina,haha, dammmm, u whooping ma back on this, all good, Alina Alexandra, can I just use one name then ? say Alina?
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 2:58pm
Well, I don't know, can I just call you Fe*** instead??
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 2:59pm Report
well, i just assumed that you ll prefer to be called Alexandra, coz to me its a strong nice meaningful name, well i guess i was a bit selfish. yeah sure u can call me Fe***, as a matter of fact , i will prefer Fe*** coz Fr*** sounds so soft,
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 3:03pm Report
or u can call me Dayce, Blurdee, anything that can make us start a friendly conversation. lol. but yeah, Real name Fr*** Fe*** (added childhood name),
Alina Alexandra June 18 at 4:14pm
What makes you think we are not having a friendly conversation? Ok, I shall call you Porkie.
Fr*** Fe*** June 18 at 4:43pm Report
haha, I mean friendly in a way that i should not be getting tiny stings on ma face for saying some u dont buy, haha,or i have to read tro my msg about four times,dot all the Ice(Is) and make sure Alina is not violated in anyway, lol, and before I accept that Porkie name, u have to ask me first, sure i will hmmm, naaa, thats no good name lol.nwy? How is ur week? i guess u must be doing really well out here.
Fr*** Fe*** June 19 at 6:50pm Report
hey hey hey Alina,this gorgeous girl.Hhow was ur weekend?
Alina Alexandra June 19 at 11:56pm
It was great, Porkie. I had great fun catching butterflies, shaving my cat and stalking random people on Facebook. Do you enjoy stalking random people on Facebook too?
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 12:14am Report
Haha. Well sometimes u have to enjoy what you do right?. Tho it might not be the things u like doing especially if u don't get them. So did u get any?lol. And by the way u shud be in bed now. Lol. Is night time best time for stalking? Lol.u teaser. Haha. Enjoy ur msg tho. Well I guess ur cat have to go tro this winter with no fur on him.(her) or u training her to resustrge cold if u ever take her to Moscow. Lol. Hugs .
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 12:18am Report
Sorry. Replace the Chinese word with resist. See, I have to reread my msg so I know what am expecting from you. Can I just call you Stalkie?lol. Coz u just calked me Porkie without even asking my mama. Haha. She whoop ur ass if she hear that. Lol.
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 12:53pm
Sorry it took so long to reply. I was training my cat to resist the cold weather so I placed him in the fridge for half an hour.
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:48pm Report
nah thats find hun, I was actually waiting for a reply last night, atleast something to keep me busy coz I was bored as hell plus just like reading from a funny nice random diva.watching movie all night wit the shitty perth weather. Aawwww, poor lil cat, what ya doing to him Alina?animal rights pleassssssse... lol. Well I dont really know who u are but I can tell u a funny interesting person and I guess that friend request i sent will take ages, as long as I m not dead, I ll always wait for it, haha,
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:49pm Report
how is ur day? i m working bored at work now as hell. Mondays as usual and long hrs, hehe. Glad reading from you okay? hugs
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 5:49pm Report
Oops, Porkie, hahaha
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 6:24pm
I love my cat.
Fr*** Fe*** June 20 at 6:47pm Report
If u didn't love him u won't have had him right? What type of cat we talking bout?
Alina Alexandra June 20 at 10:05pm
The one with 4 paws, 2 ears and a tail.
Fr*** Fe*** June 21 at 7:51pm Report
so what is this diva Alina doing out here in Perth?
Alina Alexandra June 21 at 9:47pm
Studying rocket science, knitting, and pet grooming.
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 6:39pm Report
cool. what are u aspiring for? or u just wonna be some female Neil Amstrong? are u a clever girl?
Alina Alexandra June 22 at 9:14pm
Clever? I think genius is a more appropriate word
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 9:45pm Report
OK.
Fr*** Fe*** June 22 at 9:48pm Report
What ever you give urself I take it but I think you are more of a clever girl,even just being Einstein's driver,lol.thats why I cancelled the friend request, hehe
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 2:17pm Report
so how is this genuis doing this wek end? loving the weather right? good for studying. sup?
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 4:06pm
Do you enjoy shaving animals?
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 4:15pm Report
well if the animal is cute like a baby Leopard, I might, but im allergic to fur.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 4:15pm Report
why u asking that?
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 5:18pm
You sound like a person who would be into shaving pets.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 5:29pm Report
haha. set it on fire for bout halh an hr makes ma job easy. haha. how is ur studies? where u studying actually?
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 5:51pm Report
joks, well if the pet is as cute as Alina, why wont i enjoy shaving it,
Alina Alexandra June 25 at 6:08pm
I am studying rocket science and the Rocket Science University...externally.
Fr*** Fe*** June 25 at 6:36pm Report
Some kind of distance edu or what? where the Rocket science Uni at? hope am not bugging u wit questions okay? its just trying to make a conversation but just interested in things u say, funny and seems like it doesnt make sense but it actually creates some nice smiley way of conversiong, haha
Fr*** Fe*** June 27 at 5:27pm Report
how was the other week end?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 8:09am
I had a great weekend. I've finally managed to solve the following equation:
f(p,q)e^nq - e^nq f(p,q) = e^nq ∑ (cn^3/fj^4) -(a cos ns/L = b sin ns/L - 2sin1/2)
Where c = total number of hairs left on my cat's body after shaving.
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 10:32am Report
So there's no hair left on him right?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 11:19am
Yes, the result I obtained was c = 0, which was statistically significant.
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 11:38am Report
Yeh even a factory worker like me csntell that the left side of ur equation is zero soooo all ur complicated right side sin and coz didn't matter. Haha. Wow. Atleast I can still recognize some few things in advanced maths. Lol. U use maths to communicate right? Can I try u some?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 12:01pm
Yes, I usually communicate using quantum mechanics jargon, especially if {viA} is an orthonormal basis for HA and {ujB} is an orthonormal basis for HB, in which case the set of pairs (viA, ujB) is taken to form an orthonormal basis for the tensor product space H(A)* H(B). The notation viA⊗ujB is used for the pair (viA,uj B), and inner product on HA⊗HB is defined as:
viA x umB | vjA x unB> =
Fr*** Fe*** June 28 at 6:19pm Report
haha, Alina, wqell i give up now, cant even think of thinking bout Hilbert,Vector spaces n tensor products now okay?all these your quantum microscopic world and its controversies, haha, all i know is that 1+1 =2 if all the ones had the same direction(vectors), and 2 is better than 1, u know what I mean? u one crazy girl. and yeh I like u more, haha, soo apart of these jargons, how is everything, how bout you n family, how do u get along out here?out going girl or some like that?
Alina Alexandra June 28 at 10:49pm
No, I am not an outgoing type of girl unfortunately. I prefer to sit at home and solve physics equations and eat tonnes of ice cream. Although lately I have been really good and have managed to lose 5kg, so I am back to my usual weight of 94.6kg. Yes, it is still not my ideal weight (which is 91.5kg), but I don't mind because I never get cold in winter. I stay indoors most of the time because sunlight gives me pimples. You are probably wondering why I have a photo of a hot chick as my profile pic? Well, it makes me feel good that I once used to look attractive, even in my early 30s, before I enrolled in a rocket science course.
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